Friday, November 30, 2012

In Which There is (Probably) Much Whining

Dear Ashley,

I have to say I'm incredibly jealous of your bravery. I really admire your ability to decide to do something crazy (and awesome, but really, crazy) like go to Budapest, or not finish a program, and actually do it. I feel like I say how much I'd love to do X,Y and Z, but I don't actually have the balls to go DO X, Y and Z.

So I think it's awesome that you're going to go figure out something that you really want to do with your life. I'm definitely not. At least, not right now. I completely loathe my job.

TANGENT! I'm actually at work right now, but I'm watching the owner's baby, and the baby is sleeping *knock on wood.* But the walls of these old row houses are so thin that their neighbor sounds like she's coughing up a lung in the next house over and I had a mild panic attack that it was the baby making that noise. Because it sounds like it's the next room, not the next house.  /end tangent.

So anyway, I feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life. I dread going to work every day. Mostly, I want to curl up in a little ball of depressed writer and cry. And watch shows like Grimm and wonder about being an actor.

Last night, winning NaNo a whole day early made me feel awesome...I haven't written that much in about two years. And I felt like I could do things again. I need to figure out how to harness that feeling though, and stick with it, because I'm feeling it slipping away again.

I need to start studying for the GRE. You should totally look into programs, because most of my deadlines are in January, and a couple of them are even in February, so there might still be plenty of time for you to get into something for next fall. Then this blog can turn into a bitch fest about how hard grad school is :)

Anyway, I'm going to apply to schools because I don't know what else to do with myself. I just know that I need something different. Thankfully, the Philly NaNo group is going to keep posting weekly progress update threads on the forum, so maybe with that sense of community I can keep working on things. And then there's EditMo in January, so my goal is work on applications and Christmas knitting in December and then Letters to Myself in January. I haven't looked at it all month, which I think is good. I never really let it simmer before I tried to start working on revising it, and all I could focus on were the things that didn't work, but I didn't know how to change them. Hopefully with a fresher eye, I'll have more inspiration.

So I tried really hard not to make this whole post one long whine, but I clearly didn't succeed. That's about where my life is right now, though. Boring, stagnant, in need of a change.
I told my mom the other day that I was like Friends circa Season 8: when it's not funny anymore, just sort of sad.

Let me know if I can help at all with your school picking process- I'll even give you my GRE book when I'm done with it- there's no way I'll get through all 8 practice tests.

To end with something positive, I'm pleased with my NaNo novel. It's complete and utter crap, but I like the characters, and I like the idea. I told Ben the other night, somewhere around 46,000 words, that I was feeling like I was figuring out who my characters were, and where they needed to go. And it only took 80 pages to get to that point!

But seriously, I think I can use some of this stuff. I definitely need to go back and research and plot. There was a lot of:  "It's June!" and then three sentences later it was October because that's when the event actually happened. Psh. Research is for suckers.

Anyway, it's almost time for me to go home, so I'm going to end this now.
Talk to you soon, I'm sure!


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