Thursday, December 20, 2012

Of MFAs and Twilight Zone Marathons

Dear Ashley,

Guess who's going to be living upstate again in a week?

Oh, that'd be me.

Ben got the job at Oneonta, so we're frantically packing up (actually, not frantically, yet, but next week I'm sure it will be, simply because it's not now. I'm stressed about it, but at the same time, I need stuff in the next week and it can't all be in boxes. So, there will be frantic packing in my near future.) and we're going to be moving up the end of next week.

As I believe I've already said on facebook: Holy Fuck.

We're moving into his parents house and rooming with his sister while his parents are gone for the winter. I really like Jen, but after two years of just us in an apartment, I'm reluctant to move in with someone else. Even if she's totally grateful, because she admits she's scared in the house by herself, and it's too much for one person to maintain all through the winter.

I'm really really really hoping to get the Co-Manager job at Damascene Book Cellar. Seriously. I had an interview with Dan Birnbaum, who owns it, and he knows Dave and Kelly (the same Dave who got me and Ben together) so hopefully I have a chance. Because it would be the PERFECT job for me. Basically doing what I'm doing now, except with books, and not a neurotic asshole for a boss AND more money plus benefits.
BENEFITS!! It's been like five years since I've had health insurance. I'm dying for it. Pun intended.

I had a Skype interview with him Tuesday night, and I think it went well, so I'm hoping to hear back from him today or tomorrow at the latest about coming in next week while we're home for a second interview. Keep your fingers crossed, because this would take sooooo much stress out of my life it isn't even funny.

In other news, I did promise to tell you more about MFAs in Creative Writing.
I think I'm going to go for it.
I feel like if I could get on the wait list for super-selective NYU, then I have a decent chance of getting into Bennington College, which is currently my top choice school. They have a low-residency MFA too. It'd be great- I could hold a full time job and still get my Masters. Also, something that I just learned, was that MFA is a terminal degree. Meaning, it's the highest level degree that is possible in that given field. And thus, I could teach Creative Writing at a University level with one.

I still want a PhD, mostly just to flaunt it, but also because I still think a PhD in CompLit would be great, and allow me to teach whatever the hell I wanted, once I'd been doing it long enough. But right now, I'm not totally sure what I'd want it in, specifically, and I don't think I have a good enough resume to get into someplace like Cornell (top choice for PhD). And, I sort of just want the MFA. I think it's all the thinking that we've been doing lately about how we took all the right steps, and did everything we were supposed to, but we still can't get where we want to go. So it's time to do what I want.

I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life anyway.
The odds of me writing the next Twilight and becoming independently wealthy are sort of slim.
The economy has gone to shit and there's no such thing as a good stable job anymore, so why not go for the things that were too risky before (like writing, and theater).
Because really, being a cashier at a grocery store is a risky job these days.

So that's my thought process.
I'm going to need regular writing days complete with coffee and possibly a movie to preserve my sanity once we're back.

Speaking of movies... want to go see Les Mis on New Year's Eve? I think that's the first free day I'll have with no moving and I'll need a break from unpacking. Also, I don't know what our plans are for New Year's yet, but I've been hoarding a bottle of Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio for the occasion. If it's anything like what we usually do (pick an ethnicity and make a bunch of food to eat while we watch the Twilight Zone marathon that is invariably on television) I will let you know and invite you over for the night :)

See you soon!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Why I'm Going Insane (Today)

Dear Ashley,

I think I've told you this, but I haven't told the blog this- I think your current plan is a good one. To go back to school for Psych (not the TV show, although I love it. So dopey, and yet, awesome.) sounds like a good idea. And since you got your undergrad in that, it's at least something that you're interested in.

My news for today, is that we may be back and talking regularly face to face sooner than anticipated. Potentially, three weeks.  [insert mild  full blown panic attack here]

Oneonta High School is in need of a long term Biology Sub from January to June. Ben was sort of offered this job at the beginning of the year, but it was about two days after he had already started back at his current school, and we couldn't afford to move, so he turned it down. It just wasn't a rational thing to do, then. So whomever they got for the job clearly didn't work out because they're hiring again.

And Ben is losing his mind here. He hates so much that he had to be here for another year, that he's just going crazy, and he's depressed, and he hates the person that he's becoming. So while we really can't afford to move, and don't even know where we'd live, or what the hell I'd do with myself, he's applying. And there is a definite chance that he'll get the job. And if they offer it to him this time, he's going to take it, because it will make him happy to be there and he's more concerned with that at this point than paying his bills.

Which is lovely, really, but not at all rational. So as I'm sure you know, I'm flipping out. I don't want to be here, either. But I most definitely don't want to be there. You know as well as I do that there is nothing in the greater Oneonta area that interests me in the least.

Of course I would love to leave my job. But I'd love to leave it for something that I would enjoy doing, not to be unemployed and end up working in Cooperstown as a waitress again. So...yeah.

We've sort of skirted the issue of: He wants to be there. I can't exist there. And he will always choose his family land over me. But...we haven't had a full blown discussion and/or argument about it. So I'm not really sure what to do.

There's a bookstore on SUCO's campus that's looking for a co-manager, he told me today. I could do that. And I might have to, since I can't afford to exist here by myself. And the thing is, I'm fine leaving Philly, but I would like a little more than three weeks notice. The landlady probably would, too.

I don't even have a car. or enough money saved to really buy one. How am I supposed to get around the land of no transportation to find a job? Oh, right, and where would we live? His brother is currently living in his grandmother's house-  right. The one he's doing all of this to get back to is currently occupied.

And that's why I'm going insane today.

I swear the next post will be a happy one full of Christmassy Cheer from NYC.