Thursday, December 6, 2012

Why I'm Going Insane (Today)

Dear Ashley,

I think I've told you this, but I haven't told the blog this- I think your current plan is a good one. To go back to school for Psych (not the TV show, although I love it. So dopey, and yet, awesome.) sounds like a good idea. And since you got your undergrad in that, it's at least something that you're interested in.

My news for today, is that we may be back and talking regularly face to face sooner than anticipated. Potentially, three weeks.  [insert mild  full blown panic attack here]

Oneonta High School is in need of a long term Biology Sub from January to June. Ben was sort of offered this job at the beginning of the year, but it was about two days after he had already started back at his current school, and we couldn't afford to move, so he turned it down. It just wasn't a rational thing to do, then. So whomever they got for the job clearly didn't work out because they're hiring again.

And Ben is losing his mind here. He hates so much that he had to be here for another year, that he's just going crazy, and he's depressed, and he hates the person that he's becoming. So while we really can't afford to move, and don't even know where we'd live, or what the hell I'd do with myself, he's applying. And there is a definite chance that he'll get the job. And if they offer it to him this time, he's going to take it, because it will make him happy to be there and he's more concerned with that at this point than paying his bills.

Which is lovely, really, but not at all rational. So as I'm sure you know, I'm flipping out. I don't want to be here, either. But I most definitely don't want to be there. You know as well as I do that there is nothing in the greater Oneonta area that interests me in the least.

Of course I would love to leave my job. But I'd love to leave it for something that I would enjoy doing, not to be unemployed and end up working in Cooperstown as a waitress again. So...yeah.

We've sort of skirted the issue of: He wants to be there. I can't exist there. And he will always choose his family land over me. But...we haven't had a full blown discussion and/or argument about it. So I'm not really sure what to do.

There's a bookstore on SUCO's campus that's looking for a co-manager, he told me today. I could do that. And I might have to, since I can't afford to exist here by myself. And the thing is, I'm fine leaving Philly, but I would like a little more than three weeks notice. The landlady probably would, too.

I don't even have a car. or enough money saved to really buy one. How am I supposed to get around the land of no transportation to find a job? Oh, right, and where would we live? His brother is currently living in his grandmother's house-  right. The one he's doing all of this to get back to is currently occupied.

And that's why I'm going insane today.

I swear the next post will be a happy one full of Christmassy Cheer from NYC.


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